This was such a hit last time, and to be honest it was painful to stop once I got started, that I decided to do part two. You. Are. Welcome. For those of you who missed the last post, I get kind of cranky like once every four weeks or so, and feel the need to disband the popular notions that certain things are cool. Here we go...
1. Red Vines
Let the record stand in showing that red vines taste like wax. They are not good, and they never were. Twizzlers should be your licorice of choice, but not the cherry kind. I'd argue that Nibs are just as bad as red vines. The only reason people pretend to like Reds Vines is because it reminds them of when their grandmother would give them a vine for a treat, which was dangerous for all dental work. Those things get stale and hard after like .34 seconds of air and could break your tooth with one fail chomp. Of course our grandparents drove our parents around without car seats or seat belts, so safety was clearly a concern in that day.
2. Nacho Libre
Remember my last post about Dances With Wolves and Avatar? Nacho Libre ranks right along those same lines. Part of the reason I hate it so much is because every time I get home and all but tear off my jeans--no one should wear jeans while at home... it's cruel and unusual punishment--to replace them with sweats, Dewy makes some stupid comment about sweats from that movie. You know the one I'm talking about... "Choncho... I need to borrow some SWEEEAAATSS." Eye roll so hard. Dewy has gotten Rhett hooked and they both sit and giggle at the gas passing and Napoleon Dynamite like humor. Which is another stupid movie.
3. Funeral Potatoes
Everyone in Utah just disowned me. I have tried a plethora of types of funeral potatoes, and all of them are gross. The lack of seasoning, the watery sauces, the weird crunch flakes, the slimy potatoes... Barf. Barf. Barf. When I die, please DO NOT let anyone bring those to my luncheon. And don't ever ask me to bring them either.
4. Family Decals on Cars
I have never understood these. I don't care if every driver on the road knows that I have three boys and a husband. All it takes is one look at my swerving SUV as I swat desperately at a three year old kicking my chair for someone to assume that I am a mom of small children. They don't need the five cat heads--two big and three little obviously--to tell them that. I've seen skulls, stick figures, super heroes, feet prints, flip flops, and even a line up of stick figures with a glaringly obvious missing father figure but the words "Audition Now" printed in his stead. Can we please have some dignity people?
5. Love Spell Lotion from Victoria Secret
The boys have Axe and the girls have Love Spell. This is the big sister scent to Country Apply body spray, which I choke on when I walk into 7th grade hall. Love spell is the signature scent of the sophomores, and the stuff smells like beer. That is all.
6. Halloween
I hate literally everything about Halloween. I hate the being scared part, the dressing up part, the decorations, and the idea that a kid thinks he/she deserves free candy just by knocking on my door. If a kid came up to my porch in May and told me to give him candy... well... I probably would. Just because it's ballsy. Halloween is the holiday of entitlement and bullies that like scaring small children. I'm looking at you Jon. Also, I hate pumpkin...remember that?... and Halloween is like the signal for all things pumpkin to come out of the wood works for the next 60 days.
7. The Color Brown
It's an ugly color and I hate it. Do with that what you will.
I'll save the rest of my list--because you know there's plenty more--for round three. Have a great hump day everybody.
1. Red Vines
Let the record stand in showing that red vines taste like wax. They are not good, and they never were. Twizzlers should be your licorice of choice, but not the cherry kind. I'd argue that Nibs are just as bad as red vines. The only reason people pretend to like Reds Vines is because it reminds them of when their grandmother would give them a vine for a treat, which was dangerous for all dental work. Those things get stale and hard after like .34 seconds of air and could break your tooth with one fail chomp. Of course our grandparents drove our parents around without car seats or seat belts, so safety was clearly a concern in that day.
2. Nacho Libre
Remember my last post about Dances With Wolves and Avatar? Nacho Libre ranks right along those same lines. Part of the reason I hate it so much is because every time I get home and all but tear off my jeans--no one should wear jeans while at home... it's cruel and unusual punishment--to replace them with sweats, Dewy makes some stupid comment about sweats from that movie. You know the one I'm talking about... "Choncho... I need to borrow some SWEEEAAATSS." Eye roll so hard. Dewy has gotten Rhett hooked and they both sit and giggle at the gas passing and Napoleon Dynamite like humor. Which is another stupid movie.
3. Funeral Potatoes
Everyone in Utah just disowned me. I have tried a plethora of types of funeral potatoes, and all of them are gross. The lack of seasoning, the watery sauces, the weird crunch flakes, the slimy potatoes... Barf. Barf. Barf. When I die, please DO NOT let anyone bring those to my luncheon. And don't ever ask me to bring them either.
4. Family Decals on Cars
I have never understood these. I don't care if every driver on the road knows that I have three boys and a husband. All it takes is one look at my swerving SUV as I swat desperately at a three year old kicking my chair for someone to assume that I am a mom of small children. They don't need the five cat heads--two big and three little obviously--to tell them that. I've seen skulls, stick figures, super heroes, feet prints, flip flops, and even a line up of stick figures with a glaringly obvious missing father figure but the words "Audition Now" printed in his stead. Can we please have some dignity people?
5. Love Spell Lotion from Victoria Secret
The boys have Axe and the girls have Love Spell. This is the big sister scent to Country Apply body spray, which I choke on when I walk into 7th grade hall. Love spell is the signature scent of the sophomores, and the stuff smells like beer. That is all.
6. Halloween
I hate literally everything about Halloween. I hate the being scared part, the dressing up part, the decorations, and the idea that a kid thinks he/she deserves free candy just by knocking on my door. If a kid came up to my porch in May and told me to give him candy... well... I probably would. Just because it's ballsy. Halloween is the holiday of entitlement and bullies that like scaring small children. I'm looking at you Jon. Also, I hate pumpkin...remember that?... and Halloween is like the signal for all things pumpkin to come out of the wood works for the next 60 days.
7. The Color Brown
It's an ugly color and I hate it. Do with that what you will.
I'll save the rest of my list--because you know there's plenty more--for round three. Have a great hump day everybody.
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